30 SEP, SUN, 10:42PM

Yea today is the last day of September and it is gonna end very soon now that it is 10:42pm.

Somehow I never realise one thing that, when the moment has past, and it is past forever. How many of us would realise this is actually a crucial thing, and important fact. Things done cannot be changed, words said cannot be taken back and moments spent can just be recalled- It's never gonna to happen again..

I am so confused. I don't know how to say in words. Just that, everything seems so mystery in my case. I am not able to guess what you are thinking and I am suffering for that. I wanna give you up but I feel so hard to do so. Maybe.. your thinking the same towards me?! Could it be that your actually feeling like I do? Am I so hard to guess? Ha.. Funny..

28 SEP, FRI, 12:23AM

I have awaited this day for a week or so, FRIDAY yea!! And after today it is holiday!! And I can release the stress for almost a week of time ah..

What would you do in the following week? I can't wait to know..

25 SEP, TUE, 11:16PM

Today was a tiring day. I was yawning from morning till now. What is heck is going on.. And eventually, something really happened. 4 hours ago, my sister was being robbed in her house. They got her car. But very fortunately, my sister was left unharmed. They just tied her up and took some money and went away. Of course, the car was gone as well. I dunno what should I comment on this incident. There is always bad and good sides to everything-- I choose to be grateful that my sister is very fine now.

A song sings,

"Day after day, time pass away.. I couldn't get you out of my mind
Nobody knows what I'm hiding inside.."

Does the lyric goes like this? This is Westlife's "If I let you go".

Sometimes its good to get out of a damn place. At least those people are not around. I am very disappointed and afraid for that day to come. What do you reckon that day be? Ha.. Well none of your business to know. You just read and bear the problems with me.

I am not a superman. I am also a vulnerable man with assorted feeling. I will die from illness and I will feel lonely. I will afraid and I know what is love is about. What do you think a person like me can endure my whole life like this?

24 SEP, MON, 6:18PM

Eventually I started to understand, apparently when we love someone, it doesn't matter if the person loves us back. What really matter is, we will have to do something so that you won't regret later on after you change your heart.

I choose.. just to contribute. And this is me of this current second.

19 SEP, WED, 11:00PM

Today I am tired also, mentally.

I keep wondering, what do you actually see me as? Are you treating me as friend? More than friend? Good friend? 知己？Whatever your treating me as, I am started to feel uneasy. This emotion is true; this feeling is indeed changing.. I really would like to deny the fact but I can't. Apparently, a feeling does change with time when the person is overwhelmed with tiredness.. Could you give me some signs, to tell me what do you feel against me? Of course it'd be best if it is positive BUT if its negative, at least I could give you up and go on with my life. Just a small signal please. I am getting too tired. I don't know till when I can endure. When the time comes.. I will just have to bid you farewell.. Its hard to loose, but I have to because, we make decisions throughout our lives, not to be mentioned, this one as well.

Could you please give me the sign? Could you?

18 SEP, TUE, 11:32PM

Today I am so sad. In school, I am being boycotted by students, though it is only a small portion. But that is more than enough. I am afraid the amount would rise from day to day. *sigh*

Why am I having this? What should I do to them? I really don't think I made a mistake, just the stupid act. I shouldn't jot their name? Ha.. What is this?

Now I am facing mostly pressure from school. I am a teacher now and STOP telling me again that teacher is a nice job!! This job is one of the worst job in this Malaysia! The educational system is so fragile and weak and I couldn't actually predict the future of these students.. Such a pity groups.

Tomorrow am going to see those 1I students again? What would be awaiting me next? Hope everything is just mild. I don't wanna do something that I will regret. I still wanna stay in Miri.

And how are you? Have you been healthy? Boring? And do you ever think of me?

Ha.. Eventually, my blog has become a place that I utter word to you. I am just curious, if you happen to read my blog, would you know I am actually talking about you all the time? I am really a stupid moron.

16 SEP, SUN, 11:34PM

Interesting little facts.. Haha its so meaningful. I just love it. But of course I am actually encountering one, but.. nothing nothing..


6种爱恋

暗戀～
世界上最遙遠的距離　不是生與死
而是我就站在你面前　你卻不知道我愛你

痴戀～
世界上最遙遠的距離
不是我就站在你面前　你卻不知道我愛你
而是明明知道彼此相愛　卻不能在一起

苦戀～
世界上最遙遠的距離
不是明明知道彼此相愛　卻不能在一起
而是明明無法抵擋這股想念
卻還得故意裝作絲毫沒有把你放在心裡

失戀～
世界上最遙遠的距離　不是明明無法抵擋這股想念
卻還得故意裝作絲毫沒有把你放在心裡
而是用自己冷默的心對愛你的人
掘了一條無法跨越的溝渠

熱戀～
世界上最令人察覺不到的事情　便是你我在一起時
那個不斷流逝著的
據說叫做「幸福」的日子

初戀～
世界上最甜美的事情　莫過於你慢慢地向我走來
靜靜地訴說著「我愛你」！


Boku no kotae wa san-ban desu.

16 SEP, SUN, 12:33AM

I am feeling so tired and lonely now. Apparently B is so important in my life. I don't wanna lose you but somehow, you are trying to stay away from me? Well.. if you really do I will nod.

If you don't like a friend like me I will stay away; if you don't like me to do something I will stop doing it; If you never wanna see me again I will stay out of your life for my whole life.

I would hide behind the dustbin if I happen to peek you in the street; I would go out from the cinema 5 minutes later if we happen to watch the same movie in the same theater; I would delete all your contacts, and cut off all the news of you from my life IF, you want me to do so.

So this is how much I xxxx you. I do not dare to say the word anymore.

13 SEP, THU, 11:40PM

Its a another day and it is one day less till the end of school break. Since I am a teacher now, what I concern most is how many days still till I can stop teaching. I really hope its the day tomorrow. In my 6 classes, 1 is extremely good, 2 is moderate, and 3 is terrible. Well its actually EXTREMELY terrible.. I am so tired teaching them. I am shouting, yelling everyday so that everyone can hear me, but what can I do more if the whole class is yelling? To be frank, nothing can be done. Its just like that..

Kimi ima nani o shiteru? Boku wa omae ga zutto omotterun da yo.. Kimi no kao, kimi no koe, kimi no.. subete. Boku wa kimi ni kikitai na.. kimi wa boku ga suki desu ka? Demo muda na.. haha. Kimi hontou ni shiranaika boku no kimi wa dare? Oyasumi..

12 SEP, WED, 10:54PM

Today, despite the tiredness, I feel very glad because there are something happened, and they really warmed my heart, my frozen heart. Thanks..

It might seem to most of the people to be a very very common thing, but for me, it's sweet and warm. Thanks to you.. You raise my confidence a lot. I am glad you did that!

I never hope to hear of what sweet words from you but just a "good night" will cheer my whole night.

Good night to you^.^

11 SEP, TUE, 4:13PM

It is the second day of being a teacher, the second time in my life. I never like to become a teacher and I even swore not to enroll myself in this field BUT, ha.. Eventually I am drained into this stream again. Well though its only for 2 months, I am starting to feel the irritation and stress in it. I really can't do well as a teacher. I don't have powerful voice and I am always laughing, how could I be a successful teacher. It is just 2 days but it seems to be a week for me. I really don't enjoy in becoming a teacher.

*sigh*

Nevertheless, some of the students are adorable, but those are only the minor portion. I am so afraid of the students from the last few classes. You wouldn't be able to imagine the mayhem they create and how ignorant some of them are. Walking around here and there DURING the lectures, shouting to each others, slamming the door, knocking the tables and chairs and other irritating actions. I can't hardly stand it:( But while the students are grinning at you, how could I be able to twist my face and scold them like I have to?! I am weak in this field. I am easily being taken control sometimes. I can talk and I can play and I can mix around with them as a normal person, not a teacher. I am extremely tired and frustrated! Anyway I did have some good time today when I entered 1A this morning. They are adorable and well-mannered and though they made noise as well, but you don't really get irritated by them because they are fine kids.

Back to inner world story, I am feeling peace these days, no much fluctuation lately. Ha.. I am missing you anyway, like I always do. See ya XD

9 SEP, SUN, 10:44PM

So near, yet so far.. I cannot resist the feeling I am having right now. It always makes me mad and I really would like to shout out loud. Can I? Why is it me? And why can't B understand me? You really have no idea about my feeling? Are you that blunt stupid idiot moron. I am so down every night for I am losing myself bit by bit, day after day.

Ah..! Lets don't talk about that. I am going to become a teacher starting tomorrow. I will be teaching English and Moral of Form 1 and Form 2 respectively. I wonder how my life would be after getting this 2-month-part-time-job. Everything happens for the best right? Urggggggghhh!! I hope so..

And thinking back of my life, what path should I take on after this? Is it THIS or THAT? LEFT or RIGHT? FALSE or TRUE? BLACK or WHITE?

B, I just wanna tell you that, I love you more than you can imagine. If people want me to describe it with length, I would say it like this: I would walk 1000KM by feet if I can make you feel the same towards me. Of course, maybe further than that.

8 SEP, SAT, 10:19PM

In fact, being betrayed is a very heart-ache matter. I just feel so hurt, just to be within the same atmosphere with him and his brother. I treated you like my own brothers and yet, what I got is this?! Just now in that room I was actually suffocating just to sit beside him. Why do thing turn out like this? I don't want me to feel like that but, what he had done seems so unforgivable. I know he is trying to mend the broken friendship (or brotherhood) but.. I am very disappointed, at least I am still.. mind a lot about the matter.

Do I still have to chance to participate activities with them? I would really love to but everytime I see him I am so sad. Why did you do that tell me? Do you know how deep you have hurt me? Do you know there are things in this world that you mustn't do even for once, because you might change the destiny of other people. And why must you spread it? Why can't you keep it secretly as you know the criticalness of the matter? Do you know you have ruined me? Its too late man.. too late.. Nevertheless I hope I can forgive you, if that day really comes.. Be steady and be smart moron.

7 SEP, FRI, 5:05PM

Sometimes its so near and sometimes it seems unreachable. What is this? Merely an illusion? Merely my over-sensitivity? Just for once, a signal or something, a word or a gesture, try to let me know what is your true feeling. Its so tiring and apparently, love is the strangest feeling in this world. No wonder all movies or novels can't get away from it because, what people really looking forward is actually.. well you-know-it.

6 SEP, THU, 4:33PM

For all those time you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
Your the one who held me up
Never let me fall
Your the one who saw me through
Through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
You gave me love when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith cos you believe
I am everthing I am because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my head I could touch the sky
I lost my faith you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know what's much it true
I was blessed because I was loved by you


How is the song? *sweet*
I love this song so much! I was able to memorize the lyrics when I am 13 or 14. It's all coming back to me whenever i sing this song because that's the way it is. Would a new day come for me?


There were nights when the wind was so cold
That my body froze in bed if I just listen to it right outside the windows
There were days when the sun was so cruel
That all the tears turned to dust and I just knew my eyes were drying up forever
I finish crying in the instant that you left
And I can't remember where or when or how
And I banished every memory you and I had ever made

There were those empty threats and hollow lies
And whenever you try to hurt me I just hurt you even worse and so much deeper
There were hours that just went on for days
When alone at last we count up all the chances that were lost to us forever
But you we're history with the slamming of the door
And I made myself so strong again somehow
And I never wasted any of my time on you since then


Could it be me to become the singer of this song? It's saddening..

3 SEP, MON, 11:39PM

Finally back in Miri. It was such a long holiday, tiring yet fun. Yea fun!
Another 2 weeks passed by, its just scary sometimes. Apparently time NEVER waits; a second later, you might lose one precious thing. What am I waiting for sometimes really? A fortune? An opportunity? A decision? An event? Or actually just being timid to face what is ahead? Ha.. Funny, so funny life is.

The day would come anytime from now. The pressure is rising and I can barely hold it. What happen if it explodes? Would I hurt people around me? My life is like a time-bomb. Its NOT AT ALL extravagant to call it like that because once the bomb is triggered, I wouldn't have any idea how to continue living with face up.

How are you B..? Did you do what you did for my sake? Could it be? Sometimes I'd rather not to wake up again after I fall into my dream as, at least, I could see what I want to see, hear what I am longing to hear and feel your tender touch and hug.

I am hoping you to know. I am thinking of you every single second; I never fail to forget you for once.. Even if I want so. Its so hard to give you up fucking JESUS! Just.. spare me. Whatever the method...