28 NOV, WED, 6:00PM

It's Wednesday apparently. Why Wednesdays seem so special in my life. I also have no idea.. A sense of familiarity towards the 4th day of a week.

Today went for an interview in a local University. Erm.. I thought I would be nervous (well I was nervous before it was my turn) but it turned out to be fine. I think I have gotten good in dealing with strangers already. Things didn't turn out to be what I thought it would be because the MAJOR reason, the position they are offering me is not what I applied so weird man.. I dunno what to say I just kept on with the interview.

There were 4 persons: From the right Kelvin, Samuel, Alex and Jessy. And Samuel turned out to be so funny and friendly. If I were to have such supervisor I would be so glad (I hope he wasn't a hypocrite anyway ha..). And Jessy was quiet while Kelvin's questions were hard oh dear.. Alex is the head of this interview session. He was friendly and approachable. Now I know, to be a successful person you gotta have good interpersonal skills. No doubt about this really.

Tonight there is a movie 1408 at 2115. Yummy!! I love horror movie ha.. Hope it doesn't disappoint me. Tonight's gathering I am the organizer. I hate to be one actually, but I have no choice... Hai.. Hope everybody can enjoy tonight's gathering anyway.

Mata

25 NOV, SUN, 11:35PM

Today I went to Poring Hotspring of Sabah. I dunno if I was having fun but the water was so cold and hot in contrast, for the normal pool and the hotspring water respectively.

Today I have done something that can be considered quite brave. Ahem.. Well sometimes, we gotta be initiative haha.. Anyway, I don't do this kinda thing too frequently. I will feel sucks!

Soshite no hanashi ga nihongo de kakimasu. Suma..

Kimi ga doushite? Naze samukatta mitai? Boku wa hontou ni shinpai shite iru, itsu mo. Bokutachi no kankei ga abunai desou ka? Saa.. kono kankei, tooi na. Boku wa nani ga fuka na koto o shita ka? Tonikaku, jitsu ga hitotsu dake, omae ga boku no ichiban saiai no hito:) Shigoto o ganbaru yo!

First Love Theme

Saigo no kisu wa

Tabako no flavor ga shita

Nigakute setsunai kaori

Ashita no imagoro ni wa

Anata wa doko ni iru n' darou

Dare wo omotte 'ru n' darou

You are always gonna be my love

Itsu ka dare ka to mata koi ni ochite mo

I'll remember to love

You taught me how

You are always gonna be the one

Ima wa mada kanashii love song

Atarashii uta utaeru made

Tachidomaru jikan ga

Ugoki-dasou to shite 'ru

Wasuretaku nai koto bakari

Ashita no imagoro ni wa

Watashi wa kitto naite 'ru

Anata wo omotte 'ru n' darou

Itsu mo anata dake no basho ga aru kara

I hope that I have a place in your heart too

Now and forever you are still the one

Ima wa mada kanashii love song

Atarashii uta utaeru made

You are always gonna be my love

Itsu ka dare ka to mata koi ni ochite mo

I'll remember to love

You taught me how

You are always gonna be the one

Mada kanashii love song

Now and forever...

24 NOV, SAT, 4:09PM

Disappointed with you sometimes.

I think instead of complaining others, we should look at ourselves.

"What you don't like people to do on you, STOP doing it to other people."

I know about this for a long time. So, did I still do it by mistake? I wanna improve myself. I want to become a tree; emotionless, patient and brave. Emotionless with any kinds of negative influences; Patient for others; Brave when encountering storms.

For now, I admit, I am still a tweak. Spare me please!

24 NOV, SAT, 12:44AM

Last Friday, which is "today" (for me) or yesterday (for you) was a very peaceful day. The time just went by with 2 meals, a nap and an outing (to Centre Point of Sabah).

To be honest, I gain something in this trip. It's still very blur for now but I am sure that in time, I should be able to know what has changed in me. Making life out is not an easy thing everybody knows that AND, I also understand that sometimes we have to depend on others to make things out (or go through our lives). It would be to no avail if you just see yourself in this world.

Listen to others can gain something. Believe it. I will try to work out this from now on. And I do miss my twin sisters right now. Ah.. love you sisters hope you are fine over Taiwan there!

And my N73, I am probably going for you. You are so damn cute ^.^

22 NOV, THU, 6:51PM

I am in Sabah currently. I still remember somedays in September I was also writing my blog in the same place and same environment, the only difference is the people around me. They are all strangers to me now, though, not really ha..

Sometimes in life we gotta be very generous and wide-hearted, that is not to be influenced by people's words easily. But its heartaching haiz.. Anyway, I hope I can endure the other days.

21 NOV, WED, 11:47PM

I was very happy these few days as I made some new friends. I hope the friendship lasts!

Donald, Gong Yao and Zhi Wei.

Thanks for cheering my life. God bless you!

20 NOV, TUE, 10:15PM

Yesterday I met with a special person. This person has a lot of gestures. I seldom meet such person and I really enjoy spending time with him. He makes life beautiful. What I think is, sometimes certain people are gifted. What they do can attract others and make others to like them. How about myself?

And thinking about another person, J, where are you J? Have been looking forward to hearing from you for almost a week. You can always cheer my day.

And of course you B, your position can never be replaced. Just that I am feeling down and sad and disappointed. What my life would be without you? ..and what my life would be with you around?

Am I becoming a psycho already?

*lol*

Love is not a good thing to play with, neither a hope to be looked forward because.. it hurts! *Ouch!*

19 NOV, MON, 11:07PM

Everything happens for the best?

Just now I went to play badminton and I got myself sprained on the back bone. I am a bit worry because the pain is getting worse, though, well, I still can endure it. What happen? I hope its just the muscle not my vertebra...

And today once again my mood fluctuates. I hate this feeling. Human human human.. Why must I be a human with senses and feelings.

Can I be eternal?

18 NOV, SUN, 8:37PM

I am so afraid now that time flies. It really does..

Yesterday I chat with a friend. We had a gathering 3 months ago but, seems to be weeks ago. Time passed cannot to traced back. We don't have a time machine.

How if there really is a such invention? What age would I want to go back?

Ha.. I had done so many stupid things back to my childhood days. Maybe if there is this chance, I would like to go back to the age of 9, when everything hadn't happened.

I am 24 now, turning 25 next year. 25 is not an age to be joked over anymore. Many things are to be thought about. Future.. Yea future. I hate this. *sigh* How am I gonna go through this period? I started to think that maybe I should really flee to other places.. I am so afraid of the marriage matter. Stop bothering me again PLEASE everyone. I should be the one who will decide K!

My blog is about my invincibility and vulnerability and yet, what I mostly talk about is my vulnerability.. So sien..

15 NOV, THU, 10:56PM

Finally, the last day for my teaching life.

Now that it comes to an end, there are indeed a lot of things that I think of-- the people, what I have learned, what I did wrong, the students, the food, my seat, the preparation and etc etc.

Lets talk about the colleagues. Sitting next to me is Miss Ching. She is a very good person, very cute and then very hardworking and wise girl. She has taught me a lot during my days. Anyway, I am all-the-time feeling awkward when talking to her. I dunno why. And, one thing I am feeling very ashamed of myself is whenever she starts to eat, my saliva starts to produce. Perhaps this is the reason.

Miss Sii Ling, a good friend and someone who looks after me very well. She used to be my Literature teacher and now, we are colleagues. She talked a lot to me, what she had gone through, her opinion and feeling stuff. I am feeling very comfortable to be with her. We are like old friends.

Ursula and Marina. They are the English teacher, however only the latter taught me. I always admire them. They have good command in English yea. And I owed them one big treat; they found me my lost answer sheets! And what they told me really are what will do me good in the future. I respect teachers like them.

And then another person I will always remember which is Mdm Lau. Very nice and kind and helpful person. I want to have contact with her forever.

And Ms Tiong. Very kind person and very wise person. She knows exactly how to deal with problems, though I do not deny she did act ignorant sometimes. I am glad the principal is her when I am around because I am very not likely to be boomed.

And some students I will miss. Those of the 1G my class, 1E and 1A. Not to mention I will not forgot about those in 1H, though I hate to enter the class ha.. Anyway, friends are fine. As pupils I will have to consider again, should there be another time.

I will miss the school, miss the moments and miss a lot of about-to-happen funs.

And in my private world, I hope I can get out of it as soon as possible.

13 NOV, TUE, 10:12PM

Today was the meeting day with parents. Thinking back, actually I was having some very fun moments with some of the parents. Some of them were good chatters and some do respect me. I am just a 24-year-old but for them I am still a teacher afterall ha..

Tomorrow is gonna be the second last day 'cus 2 more days later I am parting the school. What should I do later? Finding another job?

My goal for now: Earn a lot and started to go travel!!!!!!!!! *sweet*

12 NOV, MON, 11:29PM

Hmm... Pondering for what model of mobile phone I am gonna buy. There are only few choices left now: N70, N73, N75 and LG KS series. I need a smart phone actually. I want to save movies into it so that I could watch them anytime! Boring reason ha..

And tomorrow is the day for the meeting between me and the parents. I am started to worry about tomorrow. But anyway, when the time comes I don't get panic. But sure it will be a tiring day. Ah... And after going for sport just now I just felt so weak and tired, aches over my joints. I don't think I do less exercise eh? Do I really?

Lately its getting a lot better also. I have started to put down. Yep its all good now. Well, becoming better in fact. And Thursday is a day I am anticipated. A dinner with all the teachers. *sigh* I am leaving anyway, just hope people could face me again with a broad smile; I know I am not a good teacher so just cut it off on Thursday. I AM LEAVING!!

11 NOV, SUN, 11:11PM

Wow its fantastic!!!! So cool the time is 11:11pm and today is 11-11-07 kekeke.. I guess good luck is gonna fall on me wakaka!!

Well today I just wanna report about my meeting with my old friend. We were not alone as her upline was around. They actually wanted me to join AxWAY. I wanna tell you what dear friend, it would be impossible for me to join you. I can support you in someway but I am really not gonna strive with you. I will disappoint you.. Sorry for that. I am a person like this please do know me from scratch. I am always like this.

Tomorrow is the meeting day for teachers and parents. Nothing to be anticipated anymore. Mondays were used to be my favourite days because I could go to class 1E. This class always cheered my days. I have my favourite students there ha.. I am such a lousy teacher, for being unfair, for being lazy, for being not dedicated, for being ignorant, for being insensitive, for being who I am. Wow.. too many mistakes I have done it seems so.

Duh!!!

When would my latter day comes?

9 NOV, FRI, 2:35PM

Come to think about it, I have been in the school for exactly 2 months now-- Sep 9 to Nov 9.

And during this period I also have done quite a lot of mistakes. I always know I am not a good teacher. Now, I am even sure that I would never be one. I am very disappointed with myself and I am feeling guilty for being their teacher. Ah.. I am going to leave anyway, just 7 more days, and I will part the school forever. I will miss the students and some of the teachers. I have great memories there and I learned a lot as well. I think aside of the mistakes I did, most importantly, I have grown. Still waiting to see how have I change anyway. I hope I will be a more responsible person and dedicated person later. I don't wanna stat lazy for the rest of my life.

Mistakes I have done. Let me list them out so that they will never be forgotten.

1. Not firm enough. Ignoring students to do whatever they want in some classes.
2. Lazy. Didn't give many homework for them.
3. Irresponsible for a form teacher. Didn't give the class DAC daily and late entry in the class everyday.
4. Couldn't able to control the students.
5. A chatter.
6. Didn't carry out duty as it should be.
7. Help students to keep something it shouldn't be brought to school.

Perhaps there are some more I failed to list.

*sigh*

What would happen if I am given one more time to be a teacher?

7 NOV, WED, 11:30PM

Two days left.. I am gonna bid farewell to them. My heart is feeling heavy but what is to come will come.

I hate to be a teacher but I like kids truly. Their blazing and true eyesights can always fill my hunger in life. I am happy to be with them. I feel true about myself when I am with them. Apparently, I have never grown up, perhaps..

2 days would end anytime, in a blink of eyes. I will remember you guys. Take good care and god bless!

Omae ga nai no hi wa mou narimashita.

6 NOV, TUE, 6:26PM

I am so depressed and unhappy.

I can't do things well. I am being looked down upon and I think, I should be.

Let it quick be ended please.

*sigh*

Anyway, I will try to do my best before my leave. I hope people would remember me later.

And, I really miss some of the students I am about to part. I really had so much good times with some of you. Do remember me fellas..

5 NOV, MON, 10:46PM

Another day of DAYs.

AH!! Tired.. of life, of lies..

Well then its not at all meaningless today. I was happy for obtaining the photo hehe..

4 NOV, SUN, 12:29PM

Maybe there is only one way for me to get away from my suffering.

I am starting to ponder what is the purpose of my current life. Everything is so boring. Can I go to other countries and try my life there?

Life is never easy for me, NEVER! I am asking for the same questions all of the time, though I have the answer clearly inside my mind, but I started to doubt the answer. Is it possible? Is it for real? It's just unfair to determine one's destiny that way.

I will stay for another while. When I am really tired and disappointed and hopeless. I might choose to leave. What a life.. so harsh!