30 APR, WED, 10:17PM

I don't think that today I can be home at 11am. I slept at 12 yesterday and today I drove for 3 hours. Actually I am tired *sigh* When can I be home?

I am said to be tame and good by our business partner. Yes, I am tame but for me its stupidity. Do I really need to do that much for this company? What would it brings to me? Job satisfaction? No. Big money? No. Experience? Unlikely? Saving? Yes. Love? No idea. Praises? I don't wanna comment about this as I am not sure if those praises were true. What else? No more.

I am losing my family. I am losing my time. I am losing my youth. I am losing my opportunity.

Yesterday night, I suddenly thought of one person. That person appeared to be my shouren. How I hope that you are still around. Where are you now? I had such a wonderful time those days, when we were so closed. But eventually, what happened I don't know, even till now. What kept us apart? Why no news from you even I took the initiative to contact you? I am in agony. Your tender touch, you held my hand, I could never ever forget about those..

I am so lonely. Desperately need someone to cure my heart, to give me strength.. But where are YOU?

28 APR, MON, 6:37PM

The office leaves 2 of us. He is working while I am writing.

Today, I learned that one staff is leaving us. Actually, as a colleague to her, I think she is quite a dedicated employee, but she is still leaving us. What the reason is, I don't know. But from what I see, she is leaving unwillingly. What could that be? Haiz.. Kasihan her only that she doesn't know who is really bringing her this trouble.

Yesterday someone told me that she likes someone. Why did she tell me this? She wants me to help her is it? Ha.. Yes I can provide but what is the point lol.

I hafta go dinner. Bah.

27 APR, SUN, 1:06AM

Today is Sunday morning 1:06am and yes, I am still awake. I just read a student's blog this afternoon and it really gave me "omg!" feeling. Too good for a 14-year-old.. I like his style and the way he expresses things. I hope to be like him as when you read the writing, you will feel so relaxed. This is gifted, sometimes i would think.

I feel a bit aweful today, but a bit of shock also. My buddy got into an accident but luckily he is alright. Not to mention, it was neither deadly nor severe type. Going back to the scene, in fact, I had this chill in me. I suppose I am very afraid of accident? No idea. I am afraid that people would get injured and in the worst case, DEATH. It'd be sad. The accident reminded me of my first and second accidents.

Coming to Sunday means going back to my original position in foreign land. I wouldn't allow myself to be dragged away by the pressure and by some of the wicked. Haha.. Joking la actually they are JUST protective. Well Cheng, don't challenge me by asking other people to read this. I might backstab you from behind. Remember, I use pole not knife! You will bleed to death HAHAHA!!

Well then, Good night and my buddy, have a good night sleep. Next week, you would see it as a joke and story XD.

26 APR, SAT, 12:00PM

Today is another day-off. Mom and dad are back in home already.

How would my Saturday goes? I don't think it would be a nice one as tonight I am, well, somehow being forced to do something. *sigh*

22 APR, TUE, 8:48PM

All this time I was hoping one day that, yes, the job in my own hometown would come to me. But now that the chance is here, its a bit contradicting.

What am I think? Am I not hate the current job I am doing? Or in fact I like this job? Or am I not willing to leave this post because of certain really? Am I looking forward to something? This is really me. I think too much, you always say me, am I??

To be honest, I want to stay in my current post. I still have several things to look forward to. Firstly, it would be the new chair and new partitioning. Secondly, it would be a person. And third, it would be another people. What this 2 persons are about there isn't anything that might concern anyone, I guess.. It is just for me that, well it is one of the factors.

Something was disturbing me today, because after yesterday, the things keep on happening stop to happen again. And another thing is that I wasn't being viewed. And it is really troubling me.

Still the same old line, why me?

This is the song that I fancy so much. Why so? I dunno why. Find out yourself^^

Everybody looking for that something
Something that makes it all complete
You find it in the strangest places
A place you never knew it could be

Some find it in the face of their children
Some find it in their lovers' eyes
Who can deny the joy it brings
When you've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

Some find it sharing every morning
Some in their solitary life
You find it in the words of others
A simple line can make you laugh or cry

You find it in the deepest friendship
The kind you cherish all your life
And when you know how much that means
When you've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

So impossible as it may seem
You've got to fight for every dream
Cos' who's to know
Which one you'll let go
Would have made you complete

Well for me it is waking up beside you
To watch the sunrise on your face
To know that I can say I love you
For any given time or place

Its little things that only I know
Those are the things that make you mine
It is like flying without wings
Cos your my special thing
I'm flying without wings

And that's the joy my life begins
And you'll be where it ends
I'm flying without wings
And that's the joy you brings
I'm flying without wings...

21 APR, MON, 5:50PM

梦想很快就完结了。

为什么？有少许的悲伤、少许的失望。。算啦！拍拍脸往前看吧！

昙花一现供君瞧
笑看风云吟唱歌

19 APR, SAT, 1:06PM

A bit disappointed.. Lets see what all this is about. I shall wait and I can wait.

Do you have the slightest thought of my feeling? I am.. happy to have met you.

17 APR, THU, 7:33PM

回忆过去
痛苦的相思忘不了
为何你还来波动我心跳。。

当一切似乎已掉入深渊，不经觉地，你又来波动的我心跳，给我希望，接着又会给我失望吧。这种的际遇已不是第一遍，也非第二遍，一次一次的伤害，一次一次的希望，紧接着的是一次又一次的失望。原来我习惯这种感觉了。

每一次的失望总会让我努力往前看，而每一次的希望总会带来一个界限。

希望么？失望？绝望？我的生命的确是在这三者中徘徊。如今的我似乎已经蹅定脚步了吗？我不想啊。。


我已经差不多一年了，对生命毫无方向
CK>>戦ってる！ says (7:49 PM):
很怕就此一生
CK>>戦ってる！ says (7:50 PM):
我很怕如果我不去想的话，就回蹉跎岁月
CK>>戦ってる！ says (7:50 PM):
如今生命中还真的不知道要什么
CK>>戦ってる！ says (7:51 PM):
我想你也会有那么一天的
CK>>戦ってる！ says (7:51 PM):
该来的总会来
CK>>戦ってる！ says (7:52 PM):
你知道否，现在我的情况，假如一个不刻意，就可能浪费十年
CK>>戦ってる！ says (7:53 PM):
3年前的我是非常乐观的
CK>>戦ってる！ says (7:53 PM):
可是经过时间的洗礼
CK>>戦ってる！ says (7:54 PM):
也渐渐地变得很无奈、矛盾及悲观

16 APR, WED, 6:13PM

Tiredness really strikes me today. I am feeling very helpless now and I dunno why I have this feeling. Maybe its because of the exhaustion of my mentality.

Today I signed my contract of my confirmation as a formal staff in this company. Have a bit of raise of course, but I am not really happy, but well I am indeed. This is my contradiction.

What do I really looking forward to? Looking for someone that might appear on my path to my death. Well today I saw another one ha.. sadly.

Bah, till then.

14 APR, MON, 6:43PM

Oh dear I am so damn hungry now. *sigh*

I am getting more and more workload to do lately. Maybe this is due to the upper level has begun to take note of a personnel like me ha.. Funny. I have been directionless for a very long time. Ever since then I don't have any idea what have I learned for a period a 3 months (well not really, but I am a greedy person).

But today someone new came to the office. Its a staff from the other branch. Hope he is an easy-going one ha..

By the way, can anyone tell me how does this mean? If you know it?

"Are you comfortable with your pen, cause it is curve in shape"

So bullshit talk!

12 APR, SAT, 7:03PM

Together with 3 friends, one among them is my best friend, we went to the foreign land I am working, just to take japanese meal. Insanity..

But somehow what I wanna say is, I just felt so funny. NO, is I still feel it. I called upon a bento and people have their owns' also, but why they take the thing I like the most.. Sashimi.. Ha. It doesn't really matter anyway just that I was only able to have 1 slice out of 4. Its weird and funny:(

And well B, I really wanna treat you nicely if possible. Just that I hope you can accept it, and that's it. I don't wish for any returns.

All the best, B!

10 APR, THU, 7:08PM

突然之间觉得这首歌唱得太好了。。太像我了，虽然词汇用错了，但感觉一样。

《一个人的我依然会微笑》

如果想哭我自己会找地方
你不必担心我会弄湿你肩膀
走在街上到处是寂寞的人　
我想谁都不要同情的眼光
受一点伤并不是可怕的事　
人就是这样才会愈来愈坚强
谁叫男人永远比女人清楚　
爱情它何时该收何时该放

你走吧　我不哭　无论多痛苦
你走吧　我不哭　就算会迷路

明天一个人的我依然会微笑　
虽然它或许也是伤心的开始
爱情的轮回总是一次又一次　
是悲是喜终将都变成往事

明天一个人的我依然会微笑　
那怕早已没有人记得我名字
别问我为何执迷不悟的尝试　
女人生来就多这么一点痴

6 APR, SUN, 3:42PM

This is a hot day. Sitting inside my room half-naked, I can feel the sweat covering my back at the moment, but though so, I don't feel like switching on the fan still. I am weird??

The Spiderwick Chronicles is a nice movie, by nickledon. Initially i thought it might be a kid's movie but, ah well! I enjoyed it too. There are things to be anticipated in the movie. Fantasia.. I have always wanting to live in it. Is it possible? With unicorn, griffin, dwarf, and all these magical creatures, and I can only think and imagine.

Sometimes I really wish I am the characters in those tales, in which I can fly, do magic and charm, going on an adventure, seeking the treasure chest (yes!) haha.. I am thinking too much about all this that in my real life, some people would look at me and think that I am mad (as I sometimes do some gestures in response to my imagination). My favourite character to be is Mido Ban of Getbackers. And then Gon from Hunter X Hunter. And then Harry Potter. I am a bit idiot thinking of this, maybe you reading this would also think so about me.

Where to go after death? Yesterday I have made up my mind. I won't raise the thought of suiciding anymore. It's too wasting. I would, however, burn up my life for the one I love-- My family and you-dunno-who. Hahaha...

Well then see you all and lets meet again later.

6 APR, SUN, 12:32AM

Hey Lady Drop it down
Just wanna see you touch the ground
Don't be shy girl go Bonanza
Shake your body like a belly dancer!!

Mugen.. kono ban.

5 APR, SAT, 7:45PM

Actually it is a bit sleepy but later am still going out. For friends' sake. Ah.. Tiredness really strikes me today. I am so wore off.

By the way today I went to Shabu with a friend and spent quite an amount, more than the day I spent on drinking. And today met online with 1 person, which is from far-far-city. Ha.. But well I think that would also be the last time we chat.

What is going on with me I wonder..? No idea. I am becoming so lazy and then boring and then rude and then well, sarcastic! Haiz... I am not a nice person really.

4 APR, FRI, 9:37PM

Finally back in hometown. Interesting journey. I wonder how long could I stay up there... hmm.... Yesterday I had fun as got the chance to go drinking with friend(s). Ha.. gotta bath and then play game lo!

See you.

2 APR, WED, 6:10PM

"Day after day, time passes away, I couldn't get you out of my mind."

This is the line is of "If I let of go" of Westlife. It's always occurring to me that, whenever I am feeling like how, I could easily find a song of my feeling, at that moment.

I do have to stress that, time flies.. Its already April and I have been in foreign land for 4 months. I have started to get used to the life here-- Wake up, going to work, out for lunch, work again, time for dinner, and then go back home, play some game or watch some movies, write journal and sleep. It is actually boring but I have got used to it. I don't have social life in foreign land, I don't have good friend either in foreign land.. It's kinda "sabishii" sometimes, come to think of it.. Ha.. Maybe I am a dull man, I am meant to be a dull man. Dull man for dull life.. how ironic.

Come to think of it, AGAIN, I have some good qualities in me too. I notice that, I am good in explaining things, and stating out problem. I am also good in giving excuses and handling "froze" situation. I am good at saying thank you and bidding sorry. Mostly, I am good at hiding myself. This is me and would be me for the whole time. I don't know how my life would be now, but I guess it wouldn't be any good though. I am a cursed soul XD

Yesterday is April Fool. B, how are you getting on? Haven't been hearing from you for quite some time. Are you still you? Are you even bother to think of me? This is ironic that when I am missing you like crazy and you don't even bother to listen to a word I say (I think). Well, this all is afterall my assumption. B, anyway be happy and healthy.

My family; dad mom sisters and brother, may you all live in health and may all your wishes come true. I love you all^^ You are my everything though I might act that you aren't haha... The older I become, the cooler I become as well. That can't be helped as, the more sorrow I have become with time.

1 APR, TUE, 6:49PM

Today unexpectedly, I am still in office at this hour. Have finished my dinner with vegetable rice.. Feeling very full now. I am having quite a good feeling today cos there were 2 things happened today. One is I met with a person who reminds me of "The more and more these days, I found that we're all connected" and another one is I met with another person who "gave me hope in life".

I do hope everything happens for the best.