27 MAY, TUE, 5:58PM

2 minutes before I go.. I wanna leave something for today.

I never felt that I am so being hated, but today I experienced it. I am so sad to know about this, probably this is the end.

Boku wa orokana hito na.

25 MAY, SUN, 7:13PM

感谢我不可以住进你的眼睛
所以才能变成你的背影
有再多的遗憾用来好好记住
不完美的所有美丽
感谢我不可以拥抱你的背影
所以才能变成你的背影
躲在安静角落不用你回头看
不用珍惜

来自林宥嘉的歌曲。

刚开始听的时候，不觉得有什么特别，就觉得主唱者怎么用这么奇怪的方式唱歌。但，歌词的内容无可置疑，很贴切。听久了，每当这首歌曲响起的时候，还会带有一丝丝的感动。

实心动摇了吗？

我是谁？我为什么会在这个世上存活着？我的生命有何意义？我会否会为昨天所做的事情后悔么？




















不会

24 MAY, SAT, 1:40PM

………………
算了吧 忘了吧别再这样好吗
干干脆脆分的潇洒 留下清清楚楚的挣扎
二月的天空 泪雨不停地下
算了吧忘了吧别再这样好吗
拖拖拉拉是愚蠢的想法
不如勇敢去面对这疲惫的步伐

《二月雨》词：培铨 曲：文康

唱出了某人的心情。

算了吧。。Life still have to keep on.

拍拍自己的脸，明天还是美好的:)

23 MAY, FRI, 11:48PM

心底真的很难受，大概已不行了吧。。纵使自己拥有在坚强的心，这一刻断然发现，原来真的已没什么信心了。

忽冷忽热的煎熬，恕我没办法接受。

这五个月在外坡的确想了很多。该想的不该想的，卑鄙的下贱的伟大的慈悲的，都想了。毕竟自己还是人啊，七情六欲还缠身，原来自己的底子里是这么卑贱的，该怎么办好呢？

每天的朝八晚九，加上寂静的晚上，再伴上寂寞的袭击，很快的。。我想很快了。此时的我真的好伤心难过心疼不舍，但能如何呢？负面的思绪不断的冲击自己毫无防备的心坎，此时的我没办法容得下温柔。

我需要什么呢？一个真的可以爱我的人吧。无时无刻不离不弃、我累了时的精神支柱、我倦了时的肩膀、我受伤时的避风港、一个家。

有谁自愿吗？请举手。

18 MAY, SUN, 11:31AM

Let me recall the movie I just watched.. yes "Awake" starred by Hayden Christensen. He was the dark vador back in Star Wars. It was a nice movie. Enough surprises and suspensions ha.. I enjoyed it but it really horrified me.

Yesterday I was suppose to watch another movie "Ironman", which is of the Marvel Comic. I asked like 7 persons, and only one replied me "Who is going". This is really sucks. Looks like it would be the last time for me to ask those several friends. If they are not fancy about it, then I might not have to ask them also. I am more than happy to do so. I rather go and watch a solo movie, which is what I love to do all this time.

Movies movies.. What else do I like hmm.. Do I like badminton? Sometimes and depends who I am going with. I like singing yes, but I'd say that I like to sing for others. I like swimming? Ha.. just for certain reasons. I like gym? No persistency I like travel? Yes, by myself or someone very closed, perhaps a 2-person trip. I like computer? I don't think so, but I can hardly live without it. I like my parents, sisters and brother. I like DoTA, I guess so eh? Ha..

What else do I like? I like to meet Japanese. I like to speak Japanese. I like to live in Japan. I like to attend Cosplay. I like to do cosplay. I like to go shopping if I am money-sufficient. I like to dress beautifully. I like to.. watch anime and read manga. I like to...

I think that's all I can think. All these are just craps, something out of boredom I guess..

Jaa!

17 MAY, SAT, 9:36PM

I am feeling restless and somehow down. The more I know the more it hurts me. Do I have a place to hide to flee or to disappear to? I am starting to feel once again that, I am going into the 4-dimension. I know not where to head, I know not when, I know not how.. The only thing I know it, I am suffocating day after day, perhaps one day I might choke to death..

Running breathlessly, it is to no avail. No point you are running away, and no point you pretend it is nothing because you know, you can never let go.

Laugh and cry
Live and Die
Life is a dream we are dreaming..

Ha.. *sigh*

Its so ironic to know the fact that, I am never being given the chance haha.. *sigh* I really have no idea how long more can I endure, the tiredness I mean, and the conflicts.

14 MAY, WED, 6:59PM

The weather is going humid. Is it going to be a great storm?? Hehe.. I can't wait to see it.

I am such a big jerk, while people are worrying, I am actually anticipating it. What is this? Mischievous? Ha..

Later gonna catch a movie with friend if possible. Hope the weather wouldn't be so bad lar.

Jaa.

13 MAY, TUE, 6:55PM

Today is a tiring day. Seems like everyday is tiring for me.

Last night I couldn't have a good sleep. I have no idea why but in the midst of my sleep, I felt like.. I was being pressed by something on my body. It's like dream but it was so real. No idea.

Being lonely in foreign land, what should I do?

After yesterday night, all of the sudden I feel that life is so unpredicted. I have this feeling because while I was driving yesterday, I really could feel the dangers.

Today I was reborn:)

12 MAY, MON, 7:19PM

He is feeling quite down today
Low mood
Because he was being treated the same way again
It is life
It is fate
He is cold
He is hot
In some sense, he is invincible
In another sense, he is vulnerable
Just like the theme of the blog
Life is heading to the destination
Where would that be
When
How
Am I suppose to be the one
Am I suppose the one who holds the key
To unlock the silence
To trigger the circumstance
I don't know cos' I have no idea
Neither experience
Nor the ability to foresee
And here I am
Talking bullshit
And bidding goodbye

12 MAY, MON, 10:14AM

Today I take a one-day leave, and luckily I am taking today because I am tired..

Hmm.. What to be expected next week.

Most importantly, when would I have the courage to confess.... Gosh!

7 MAY, WED, 7:58PM

A bit sad for we are having less things to chat on, what happened? Because of my behaviour? If it really is, would a "I don't mean it" solves the problem? Tell me la.

These days have been so busy, busy like never before. So this is busy working life.. A fully utilization of my remaining time, which I don't know when will that be.. Tomorrow? Next week? Or.. 50 years later?

This Monday, I was happy for a reason that, the spring might be around the corner. I am tired, real tired! I need a proper life I need a normal life. Hopefully this is it.

The Core sings,

What can I do to make you happy
What can I do to make you care

Do I have to keep on with my belief? Or move on to the destiny?

Saa na--

3 MAY, SAT, 12:52PM

听着《一公升眼泪》的主题曲，心里突然涌出了一些感触。生命的不如意十之八九，可是，你是否能把这一切的一切的一切看作考验呢？即使有的考验是在探试着你如何面对“生死”。不禁，再次的感觉到自己的不幸是那么的微不足道。埋怨自己埋怨上天埋怨所身的地方，是时候放下了吧。。前方的路还远得很，但偏偏指路标还看不着；要做的事情一摞摞，可是心有余力不足。

多少个没人的夜里，发着清晰甜蜜的噩梦。

每每听到这首歌《OnlyHuman》心底就无名的感慨万分，好动人的旋律、好悲凄的中提琴、好勇敢的面对方式。木藤亚也，安息吧，我会记住你的精神的！