2 DEC '12, MON, 1:34AM

I think I should start to make entries for my life on today onwards again: )

Little would I know, this would be the year that I finally got myself a lover.. Little did I know that you would be from such a far place from me. Little would I even believe that you could be a chinese..

Haha.. to be frank, all of the persons whom I have fallen in love with, are mostly non-chinese..

18th November 2012, this day was the most memorable day for my buddy, and it could also be the most memorable day for me for my wholelife ^^

Dear, sorry to tell you that at this point of time, I really am not feeling as strong feeling as you might be feeling right now.. Sorry for that. It doesn't mean that I do not love you, but it is hard for me to love someone who is so far away, yet I have never met.

We will know when we meet one day, and I will surely know whether that is the feeling which I have been seeking for.

I do not have much confidence in love because what I have seen are either "thirst for sex" case or "vulnerable love" with 3rd party presence in no time. Please forgive me, I have fallen in love hard for twice - The first one was a classmate whom I have known for 12 years now, and I can say that I have totally gotten rid of him in my life (well we are real friends now). The second is a malay, whom I have been treating him so dearly. This person is the one who has created the insecurity and lack-of-confidence in LOVE.

All these years, I have fallen to many people, no lesser than 30 i think, but I have never been with any of them. LOVE for me, is so distant away, I am very afraid of the commitment which I have to put in LOVE relationship (from what I have seen around me). I love my family very much since then, and my urge for LOVE become lesser and lesser, to a minimal level.

Then... you appeared.

You are very sweet with words, but to be frank, up till now, I am still suspecting your love feeling which you have conveyed to me through written words and verbal conversation. I can't feel much, but I am trying hard to get the clues of what love is all about.

One day, you will see this thread, MAYBE. Which is why today, I want to write down what I am feeling towards you here. Nobody knows the presence of this blog, or even if they do, they do not know it belongs to me. My life is all here, when you read them, you will know what a person I am, mostly, if not all.

Dear, I want to love you, but do give me some time. I believe I will be able to find out the answer very soon. I just hope that I will be able to love a person whom I think "you" love me so much. Do you, at this point of time?

And it is almost 1:47am already, and I want to sleep. I will continue writing more in this blog to let you know my feeling with you.

Last things, there are simply too many secrets I am holding with me right now, which I am not telling anyone on this earth at all. Some know a little, but nobody knows all. If you are the trusted one, you might know all. I am sorry dear for letting you feeling a bit of heartache. But this is me. I am a complicated person, though I might not seem to be one from outside.

Good night and love you.